Service models – an early night.

PB and I are just back from grabbing a single nightcap after dinner at the pub next door. I would have had another and perhaps even had a nibble to eat. However, as soon as we rolled in they started to shut down.

For the sake of clarity, let me give you a quick run done of the layout of this once inaccessible pub.Two entry points: one now flat with heavy double doors leading to two doors, one to the gaming lounge and the main bar which is also accessible via steps onto the street. The other door leads down a carpeted and tactiled ramp to the bistro and a second bar. from the bistro you can go up two stairs direct to the main bar or outside via stairs only to smoking areas. So, the only accessible seating with the accessible toilet is in the bistro.

So with that background; the closing litany. Kitchen first after a cursory, offer to order now soon after banging of pots and pans as if we weren’t there.  Then the bar essentially as soon as the bargirl (whom we know, of sorts)  have poured our first drink. This  without the obligatory  last drinks call. Then the music went off, the televisions while people were still watching which made the guy watching nervous enough to swallow down the food and leave, looking sheepish. PB sculled the half glass of his first red down and we went to leave. After PB pulled himself up the carpeted ramp I discovered they had locked us in. Not by a sign but by butting the chair against the door. Mr Sad Manager let us out and seemed to want thanking for doing so.

Leaving aside the treatment, the key thing to know with this story is this. We didn’t turn up at 2am on a Tuesday morning in the middle of a sleepy country town. We were in the pub at 8:45 pm on a Sunday night in an supposedly bustling metropolis.

Last night watched Kurt Fernley on Enough Rope with Andrew Denton. Kurt is apparently a qualified teacher, a guy a little younger than me who grew up an hour and a half or so from where I did and had three older brothers. He has had two lucky escapes from car-related accidents and eventually wants to teach in the country again.

Oh and he is a Paralympian involved in wheelchair track and road races.

Sum of the Parts

I have a confession.

Owing to a bad head cold and resulting loss of voice I’ve been house bound for four days. At great disappointment to myself, I haven’t engaged in anything more intellectually stimulating than watching arguably way too many episodes of Sex and the City.

Shattered

As of tonight PB has moved in. And far from feeling all gooey as I expected I feel shattered. He is renting his house out at discounted rent to aquaintainces of ours who were stuck. Charity begins at home and all that jazz.

The Missing model?

Some may see this as patronizing but it does show me a move evolved disability consciousness. Even if that is only to contemplate such shows as this.

PB’s comment was a simple one “I reckon we’re about 30 years behind them”.

Indeed.

It is I

I have a lot to say. Yet for tonight I have neither the energy, nor the words. So I won’t

Yet I did.

Tomorrow I will but try.

Deja vu

It’s late. It was a case of too much coffee for once having the effect on me that everyone complains of. I am as “they” say … wired.

PB and I went down to Melbourne on Wednesday for a little R and R. It was a little surreal for me on a few fronts. Firstly It was the scene of some unfortunate events during a previous relationship. In fact the anticipation of ghosts around every corner was far worse than the actual experience this week on that front. I’ve been there once since that fateful trip (see below), so perhaps that mitigated those poor ghosts some. They were there to be sure but there was a calm forgiveness about them.

The other element of surrealness comes from the fact that PB and I were visiting Melbourne last year attending a set of work meetings together, purely as supposedly dis-interested but friendly colleagues. At that point in time certainly we were both (I’m pretty sure) determined to keep it that way. It concerned us both how we would be percieved regarding our worklives. Credibility and independance and all that sort of thing. In the end I think we did the right thing both in delaying the relationship till I was well established and also “coming out” slowly when it did blossom, only a month or so after the trip last year.

However, I digress.

I remember with trepidation the nervousness that enveloped me when I suggested we could get a single hotel room as long as we made sure there was a fold out bed available as well. I was amazed when he without too much hesitation accepted. Thus we slept for 2 nights and behaved – a nervous little peck on his check with a blush as I left alone for the airport.

It was the trip that saw the origin of the now common routine of him holding on to the side of my chair so that we might roll in unison.

It was different yet similar as his girlfriend this time. This in itself was lovely.Biggest differences? No meetings and going into a menswear shop with him

Like last time: he went bush for a few days. Like last time I came back to Sydney.

Like last time I miss him.

This time though — he might understand why.

Reflections

I’ve been watching DVDs lately of Sex and the City in preparation for the movie that opens here on the 5th of June. It started out by being a pastime – a thing of lightness and fluff to compensate for a heaviness and intensity that is part of my life at the moment.

Australia 2020

Ok, so I am a bit late commenting on this I know but last weekend the Rudd government hosted the Australia 2020 summit. An exercise in listening to a handpicked collection of 1000 Australians for new ideas or re-hashed old ideas. In the words of Russell Skelton:

For one weekend a national conversation took place about the future of the country without a bunch of once-influential marsupials shouting down discussion of significant policy issues.

Ideas include major “root and branch” reform of the tax system, a republic, a review and reform of the federation as well as a disability Insurance scheme for those who acquire a disability through their life, among others. These are big overhauls and big risks for a government that is just over its 90 days after over 10 years in Opposition.

It was interesting to see who got an invite. that said a lot in itself of where the Government was pinning its hopes.

Anzac thoughts

I watched a lot of television yesterday: the ANZAC day coverage. Moved and annoyed.

My grandfather was an engineer during WWI – on the Western Front. He came back and married my grandmother sometime later. He lived to 91. It might be hard to argue that his life was shortened, but as I sat there watching the ceremonies I was curious about what he would say to me now that I’m an adult.

I watched as arthritic men and women braved cold and wet conditions and the wobbles of age to process down George St — showing a different kind of courage. There was pride in the ability to do that, the freedom not just of State, but of limb.

The inevitable aging of the participants was evident. There was an increased number of taxis carrying those too frail to walk. There were also more troop carriers scattered throughout. The commentators struggled with how to accommodate these folks while still lauding those that marched. There was generally a lot of confusion about who was marching because the groups were too small to read the banners. Mind you the lead commentator, a John Moore, even got the year wrong, refering to this as the 2009 march!

PB and I talked about the potential future of the march. That part of history lost. Perhaps some mark of respect; a medal or token needs to be given to the families of Diggers in addition to medals (many of which would be at the War Memorial).

Then we switched to the commercial stations who did much more professional commercial-free coverage of the services at Gallipoli and Villers-Bretonneux. Both were moving with the commentators knowing when to be quiet. It was beautiful and fitting to hear the lapping of the water against the shores of Gallipoli during the two-minute silence and have that left as is by the producers. Seeing the silhouettes of the strong crowd amid not only the sandstone monument wall but the gravestones was stiring and chillesd me to know my mother was among them those attending the service.

I am inspired now to make better use of the freedom won. Thank you. I can’t take that for granted because it is not a once for all promise. Freedom like all vibrant and living gifts request our blessing and vigilant tendering. May I be up to the task before me.

Lest we forget.

just as an aside

I seem to be keen on this writing thing today so

I have had until recently it seems a rather swanky diary — a day timer which i was slowly starting to rely on as my solution to organisation and generally getting things sorted. Yet somehow rather stupidly I have misplaced it. Quite seriously perhaps as it has been gone for over 2 weeks that I know of.

Bugger. I need to get some systems sorted.

Quote

Found this interesting from Hugh Mackay an Australian thinker:

“morality (because they) relate to our willingness- as individuals and as a society- to accept some responsibility for each other’s wellbeing.”

RDO

I am having my first RDO today. I need it. I have been feeling under amazing pressure lately. I struggle even now to work out the words to describe it. So I won’t force it.

I am spending it rugged up, listening to Tibetian music. Trying to be still. Tried a meditation today. It has been a long time since I “sat”. My mind wandered but yes I feel more peaceful I think and more aware. gong-burmese1

I think I feel overwhelmed partly by the space. There is very little order and perhaps less choice. I need a sanctuary. I wonder if it is a vicious cycle involving a fair dose of laziness and a lack of even basic discipline or perhaps deliberate busy-ness.

There is a harshness, a strictness brewing too which is unusually strong and unkind in its output. An anger that seems too close for comfort. a pervasive aching of the temples. Add to that many strange contradictions, most notably a bizare duality of a drive to rest and curl up in bed and yet as soon as I do a need to get up and be busy.

The first step, read. The second, make this place a sanctuary.

Earth Hour 2008

This was written initially on paper at the time it is stamped with.

I write this by candlelight. In and of itself that may not be odd for me. But at least some of the rest of Sydney will be doing whatever it is they do by similar light or by none at all. For it is Earth Hour , a popularly endorsed “live green” grassroots movement-that has apparently gone global after last year being a success here in Sydney.according to the website:

Created to take a stand against the greatest threat our planet has ever faced, Earth Hour uses the simple action of turning off the lights for one hour to deliver a powerful message about the need for action on global warming.

I took a big vanilla candle into PB who had been asleep and was ashamed to discover that the electric blanket had been on for a while possibly all day! This then is the beginning of environmental penance

There is a calming sense in the air and now that the hour is all but up and my eyes have adjusted, I find I want to do this regularly. Reconnect. Simplify. Authenticate.

It was odd though. We had decided to minimise on all our electricity use for that hour and yet my first thought was, ironically, “Oh good, I can spend all that time blogging”! Oh how dependent we have become on a spark that was invented only a century ago

Back from the abyss

My poor old willowdove got taken down, by an expired host. But as you can see I’m back. It seems it was taken down only the day after my last entry.

I’m moving

Follow me here

This was only ever very temporary. To test out server options and blogging engines.

I can’t easily find a way to import from this to MT so will hope the breadcrumbs find me.

I’ve inported my typepad entries though and the Redfern entry so you won’t miss much !

Redfern

Had a lazy late lunch with a dynamic beautiful friend. At this deli outside on a tree lined street. It was one of them there, evolving meals picking at pastrami, eating and being fed stuffed mushrooms. Discussions floated around dancing and people and histories. I was struck again by the poise of the woman.

Have been to Redfern a few times of late. This is after years of fear at the violence and ghetto-ness of the place. I just heard stuff and took it; more or less unchallenged as wisdom. This in itself is (I hope) unlike me, especially given I’ve had to spend the greater part of my days – challenging other such perceived wisdoms.

Ok so. My impressions are nothing much like my fears. At times my fears of being mugged or pick-pocketed or worse where alarmingly obvious, even to the young Aboriginal woman who tried to engage the un-engageable me the other day. My fear was “smell-able”.

I am ashamed. I like to think of myself as open minded.

I even walked past the infamous Block the other day and barely noticed save for the artwork on the brick wall welcoming me. I can see why there might have been riots there. I can also see them happening anywhere that forms a hub for any passionate group.

Anyway; as for my current impressions. It’s more like a urbvillage.

Fly through the air ….

It’s been a busy week, lots of tyre – rubber gone, mostly wasted it seems. A lot of that has been chasing the spin offs from being flipped off a STA bus at Railway Square last week. In summary form the State’s insurers, is offering me not enough to repair my laptop, in the hope I’m as dense as my willowchair seems to suggest to them.

concrete sheds

I spent the lions share of today 3 floors underground in the storage unit belonging to none other than my ex. With my ex. It was somethinhg we should have done years or at least months ago. We  had both skirted round the edges  of it in the past, arguements being persuit. But the place was filled with junk. Some of it highly emotive. however it felt right now.A clensing almost and more financially sensible for him, if we can get it all purged and into a smaller unit.

“Fell from a great height”

9:35 AM
I closed my apartment door over 50 mins ago. I am at the coffee shop less than 5 minutes roll away. I only just arrived,
I have spent most of the last hour, sitting perched on the bottom step in the cool of a stair well. Embarrassed. Watching people equally embarrassed ; puzzled walk past. Hurrying with laptops and building plans, or shopping. Muttering confusion, apology, annoyance at themselves, the situation, and in one case me.

I get a mention

Not that he got my name right, but Cameron  runs an association of podcasts (audio files that you can play through an iPod or through your computer) as a commercial venture here in Australia. Cam features in many of them and although he swears a tad, many of his political/social justice views are thought provoking.

 

Life without television

I do not own a televison.

Well i do, but it’s on loan to a friend of mine and lived in a back room unplugged for some time before-hand.

I last watched a television (apart from in waiting rooms and such) when last in the UK I think. Perhaps at  Christmas. I know I watched England win the test series, which may explain why! No seriously it has been 2 or 3 years since I had a regular television watching schedule.

space etiquette part 2

<as requested …. essay in progress me thinks –J>

I say all this by way of introduction. When I roll down many Sydney streets and dodge people and concrete slabs gone awry and people staring at their <insert 20th century handheld device here>, I’m the one that ends up feeling like I’m in the wrong. It’s more surprise than annoyance with me per se I’m sure. But, there is a glare left often which intended or not, I’m left to deal with.

Pressure princess

According to this;
the younger daughter-in-law of the Japanese dynasty is expecting. This
could be historically very very telling. The 39 year old Princess Kiko
is expecting her third child. Assuming this is then her last, if this
is not a boy the law would have to be have to be changed to
accomodate a woman’s succession to the throne.

cautious line

Australia’s media seems to be taking a self-censorship line over these cartoons that have sparked yet more unrest in the Mid East and elsewhere and by extension increase the risk of more between religious groups here and no doubt elsewhere.

As Alan Oakley put it here:

“To have a debate
about pornography you don’t have to publish pornographic pictures,”

Ok as long as there is awareness of the issue being debated — which there is in this case there seems to be.

space etiquette

I’m sitting under a tree in an inner city park away from the main street. Paradoxically I can hear both planes and over my iPod birds as well.

I’ve lived in this part of Sydney for the lion’s share of my adult life. Yes, I’ve lived other places as well. Indeed there are places I prefer. However, it seems this area has some kind of gravitational push/pull thing going for me. Especially at times like this, in my life. When healing needs doing.

Part of my problem with living here so much is that I don’t “wander” well. I guess in part because I’ve seen it all before. Partly too because I have this thing about time. I’m not a fan of being late. So needless to say getting trapped behind fat miandering lovebirds wandering down the middle of a narrow footpath – oblivious to anyone around who might need to be somewhere other than behind their good zigzagging selves.

In my case too I recognise that I am a fairly bulky presence on the footpath. Unlike other – better behaved souls- I can’t crab walk my way past oncoming pedestrians and by and large breathing in makes no difference to my width. I have always been aware and have carried a goodly dose of guilt when trying to find a convienant place to park out of all flows of traffic. Sometimes not possible, but the intent is good.

To be continued

Happy birthday …..

Mozart doesn’t look half bad for 250, does he?

A giant birthday cake measuring more than two metres high will be unveiled during a street party in Salzburg.

I am not a huge fan of cake.  But hey, I’ll go! Shares it with my Dad’s father whom I never knew but now would sorely like to. Must be an age thing, The older we get the more we wish we knew the people that shaped the lives we lead or something

My other grandfather (somewhat more famous, and remembered by me) would have celebrated his 110th birthday last Wednesday.

Vaccine man gets Australian of the Year

In a possibly predictable move; another doctor has been given the top Australian honour, for his work towards a vaccine for cervical cancer. Worthy stuff indeed. In an ironic twist it seems that Prof Frazer is an example of reverse “brain drain”, Frazer having arrived here 26 years ago to research and then he stayed or so it seems.

It’s been nice over the last few years to see medical advances here resulting in the honours. Over the last 4 years, three of the top nods went to medical researchers. It certainly is different from the heady days where it was the biggest Aussie celebrity. Although that was fun too.

A national dilemma

It seems that the cabinet reshuffle by Howard (which) brought on(by) the Hill departure have sparked yet more internal rants and raves around the Coalition between the Liberals and the Nationals.

This has the potential  to make politics here interesting which it desperately needs since the Coalition took over control of both houses back in July. Let me see if I can get the sequence roughly right, here.

Firstly  one needs to note that this coalition is based on the number of Nats in the cabinet being relative to their number in the Parliament. The relationship has  been at best odd at worst till now at least strained. Any ruffles have basically been smoothed wit perhaps only a little mud sticking each time. As it stood the departure/defection of any member of the party would mean that one of their ministers lost theirv spot

So here is where it starts to get interesting. Senator Julian McGuaran defected a few days ago. He held no Cabinet position which meant that someone else was bound then to lose theirs. According to Sen Bartlett here:

Senator McGuaran said he was doing this because there is “no longer any
real policy difference between the Liberals and the Nationals in
Victoria”.

Which may be true — but given the implications to the party, why not just stay put. Especially given you are in coalition. And why penalise the other party in your coalition for a within coalition transfers. Unless: the second reason given is more accurate:

He also made some comments about this being an appropriate time
given “the grounds of the Cabinet reshuffle and the aligning of several
careers, some being promoted and some resigning.”

Howard has called it simply a reflection of the "laws of arithmetic".

Which strikes me as perhaps some very devious politicing. By keeping his seat but sacrificing  the prospects of another  the defectee  secures his position and  perhaps earns himself "extra credit" for the  move.

However — this is where it might get interesting. The Government only holds power by means of the partnership and a final or at least definitive split would be damaging to Howard. It would at least mean more negotiation or I suspect an early election.

Democracy might just out

Blogging and Podcasting in Australia: The state of Australian blogging

Link: Blogging and Podcasting in Australia: The state of Australian blogging.

Just had a bit of a look around the web for some sense of whether I am the only one blogging here and found the above……..

Nice to know on this Australia Day eve that I’m not actually alone here..

And we used to call it protesting …..

Funny how now even arson for the sake of animal rights is no longer just arson. The US seems way too ready to call anything vaguely distruptive the Big T. As if a crime is no longer just a crime.

Working on behalf of the Earth Liberation Front and the Animal
Liberation Front, the defendants committed arson with improvised
incendiary devices fashioned from milk jugs, petroleum products and
homemade timers, causing damage in the millions of dollars, Justice
Department officials said.

Sounds like a crime to me …… but no …….

Director Robert S. Mueller III
of the F.B.I., who appeared at the session with Mr. Gonzales, said one
of the bureau’s "highest domestic terrorism priorities" is catching and
prosecuting "those who commit crime and terrorism in the name of animal
rights or environmental issues."

Ok so they are going to stamp out vandalism in the political activism sector. No great surprise there. My question is when is a crime just a crime and not some sinister plot connected with Iraq? Oops sorry I mean Afganistan. Oops sorry I mean Iran.. Oh dear or was that N Korea?

I get so confused.
Link: U.S. Indicts 11 for Acts of Domestic Terrorism – New York Times.

Blogging as stimulus

This is more why I blog. The interesting dialog that might happen.

When I first joined the ‘web as a teenager and found myself on a pre mIRC chat client whose name i’ve managed to forget I naivily thought that the web would be jammed packed with people craving like I did stimulaqting conversation on topics of import. Religion, politics, social justice, wine, books. You know the kind of thing.

Whether I was looking in the wrong place of what or not I’m not sure. I was sadly dismayed (generally) with what I found. An awful lot of "A/S/L?" (age/sex/location), but none of the "old English" romanticism that I craved.

I felt similarly deprived at uni. I had images of sitting round a roaring fire discussing right and wrong with a glass of port being slowly drunk. What I got was valuable true. Just not what I expected. The roaring fire was replaced by a bucket of water!

 

Contemplations

I have decided to change the style and perhaps the vibe of this journal/blog. Partly as a means for keeping it more up to date and yes, more relevant. So we’ll see. Probably, less of the web and more what my first ever weblog/journal was going to be. Observations on life, the universe and everything.

I’m back in Sydney for not all together planned reasons, that I won’t go into here. Just resting up a bit. Reading, making plans, drinking decent coffee. Sleep! Laying low (on advice).

I’m fine. Or will be. Watch this space.

I read on a ‘blog yesterday that the WA premier resigned citing depression. That was a brave move. It can be hard enough to admit such an invisible dis-abler to oneself, much less an entire half (size wise) of a country! I should know. Kudos to him.

Makes me wonder how many of the people citing "medical reasons" are actually covering for a psychological issue.

– JN

strokes

Home – The Stroke Song

Close to my heart

technorati tags: health, Cerebral Palsy